lama dah rasanya tak tulis cerita2 berkaitan ngan bf kat sini..but tonight as i tengok little captain dok tido ni, rasa sayu pulak dihati..rasa berdosa ngan dia pun ada sebab cuba 'menafikan' hak dia..kalau korang baca the previous post on breastfeeding that i wrote here, i think it was about me trying to wean him off the breast. that's what i'm referring to denying his rights.
to be honest, i cuba macam2 cara untuk stopkan rafique from breastfeed few months ago..atas alasan, he's two. he should be more independent now. dan alasan utama adalah, i'm tired n stress. seriously! just imagine masa tu tengah n ak prepare proposal for my phD and when the dateline ah mkin dekat nak ubmit, i can't do my work. sebab rafique asyek lahhh nak mengempeng aje.. kalau dia dah tido sekalipun, dia akan bangun balik just after few minutes i start buat keje. x boleh nak tinggal langsung. dia macam ada sixth sense telling him that i'm out of the bed. nak buat kerja time dia tak tido lagi lah jangan harap...i bet you mummies agree with me. selagi anak tak tido, it's just an impossible thing nak menyapu.ni pulak nak baca jurnals or buat writing. end up we do colouring je kot..
and now while writing this, i rasa macam i ni kejam sangat letak garam
, asam , vicks, minyak gamat, nescafe kat nipple dengan harapan rafique will refuse to be breastfed.. but he is such a straightminded boy. he really knows what he wants. regardless of the cabaran yang mendatang, selagi dia cakap dia nak mimilk, nothing can stop him! selamba je dia mimilk while i dh letak vicks banyak gile kat N.panas kot tu! hai lah anak..i harap that 'semangat waja' he will keep that forever in his life. insha allah.
so, after few attempts yang on and off kejayaannya, i sedar apa yang i buat tu hanya menambah stress je..proposal pun kelam kelibut, plus lagi stress nak wean off rafique. that makes me keep my mind straight, I WILL NEVER EVER FORCE HIM TO WEAN OFF. biarlah dia sendiri decide when the time comes..and alhamdulillah today, he's no more that kaki mengempeng boy. i feel so relieved. at least i can spend few hours at night with my papers lepas dia tido. dia akan bangun lagi for mimilk at 6 usually. sleeping straight from 10. that's my boy! thank you sayang for being such an understanding baby.